Overcoming Negative Self Talk
We all have an inner critic, though some seem to be louder and more powerful than others. The more we listen to that critical voice, the more powerful it becomes. In order to regain our power we can start with building AWARENESS during a day-long project.
If overcoming negative self talk feels like something you want to look at, pick one 24 hour period where you’ll focus on this exercise.
Be prepared to record or take note of your thoughts.
Now go about your day doing the regular things you need to do AND try your best to notice negative thoughts and make note of them.
By the end of the day you’ll have mapped out those thoughts and created a resource to reflect on.
As you re-read the record of the day, look for patterns in your negative thinking.
Make notes where you find priorities to work through - for example, my notes have shown that I have more negative thoughts when I’m drinking caffeine. Stimulants like caffeine, for me, feed my inner critic. So a priority in my life is to substitute regular for decaf.
While collaborating with several clients who used this exercise we took our road maps and added these four steps:
DOWNLOAD A DIFFERENT LIBRARY
Clean up that inner-critic data, delete the old negativity and re-program. It can be a slow process to update your software this way but thinking in opposites can help. Pay attention to the negative thoughts and when one floats in, offer the contrasting, positive thought. An example from my own life is this; my critic tells me, “I’m always overcomplicating things”. The contrasting thought (which is also true) is, “I sometimes overcomplicate things but I love it when things come easily”. If it feels difficult for me to reach for the contrasting, positive thought, I can play with the experiment a little bit. I can try a few different positive thoughts on for size and see which one I can live with.
DO THE FOOTWORK
Move! The greatest power our inner critics have is the ability to stop us in our tracks. We can go for a walk, hop in the car and drive to the end of the block, bounce up and down a little in our chairs - anything but curling up and giving up - because the moment we decide to freeze is the moment our inner critics win.
GIVE IT AN AVATAR
My inner critic has the face of a demon! I saw him one day (in my mind’s eye), with his nasty forked tongue darting out, ready to snatch rotten thoughts out of mid-air with amphibian-like speed and accuracy. When I began to see that part of my mind as a separate entity, I gained more power over it. I could distinguish its voice from my own, positive voice. Now I don’t let that demon say anything to me that I wouldn’t say to a friend. I am gentle and encouraging with myself.
ROFL
The ability to laugh at ourselves is very fruitful! We stumble and get up again as resilient, adaptable beings, and there is no reason to take the stumbling too seriously - we can giggle at these little trips and falls. Our inner critics don’t have a sense of humor so when we’re able to see the funny side of our negative thoughts our humor will disable that critical voice.
We can repeat this exercise as often as we want or need in order to uncover additional negative thought patterns. Over time, through recording and reflecting, we become increasingly aware of the loops our inner critics make in our minds. We can identify these patterns and replace them with more positive thoughts. Eventually our inner critic becomes a very small, quiet voice which we override with ease.
